It felt as though every nerve in my body was popping. Imagine large strong hands slowly applying pressure while breaking a family-size package of uncooked, dry spaghetti. I was the spaghetti. Breaking down one piece at a time. This is how Juanita Rasmus begins the wise, frank, and witty account of what she later called "The Crash" and what her counselor labeled "a major depressive episode." This experience landed Juanita, a busy pastor, mother, and community leader, in bed. In addition to exhaustion and depression, on the spiritual front she experienced a dark night of the soul. When everything in her life finally came to a stop, she found that she had to learn to be—with herself and with God—all over again. Pastor Juanita writes from her life with kind attention to the life of the reader. She offers both practical and spiritual insights but never pat answers. If you are longing for a trustworthy companion through dark days, this book is here for you. Each chapter includes life-giving spiritual practices to help you discover your own new ways of being.
Foreword: Tina Knowles Lawson 1 The Stress of Living in a Do-Do-Do World 2 Who Am I? INTERLUDE: AN ODE TO THE PRODIGAL BROTHER 3 The Hollow Bunny Rules 4 Perfectionism and the Good Girl INTERLUDE: A FAMILY’S DILEMMA—REFLECTIONS OF RYAN AND RUDY 5 Could I Just Hit Bottom Already? 6 Finding My Being INTERLUDE: DOING . . . DOING . . . DONE! 7 Getting Free of My Notions 8 What’s Anger Got to Do with It? INTERLUDE: DEPRESSION’S WARNING SIGNS 9 Letting Go of Judgment 10 Claiming a New Identity 11 Have-to Versus Want-To INTERLUDE: HIKING A MOUNTAIN 12 Skydiving 13 Silence: The Place of Being 14 It’s the Thoughts That Count 15 Doing . . . Doing . . . Undone 16 It’s All Grace Acknowledgments Notes